The 5 Stressors Hurting Relationships
What you will get from this article:
Common relationship stressors
Why stress on your relationship doesn’t mean it’s over
How to fight the real negatives of resistance
Own the reality that you can change your relationship hurts and start today
What is it that connects two people together and unites them in a lasting relationship full of love, passion and and commitment? How is it that the once hottest fire of desires is suddenly or worse, slowly extinguished to a small spark? What happens to people who once felt such a deep love and desire for each other to only experience themselves feeling alone, lost, dead inside, even hopeless because the passion has been replaced with pain, misunderstanding, anger and loss of faith in themselves and each other?
Relationship stress is real but does not have to signify the end of the relationship. It is a trigger to send the message that outside help is a must.
Both parties must understand the common stressors that are impacting the relationship negatively and how each source of stress can truly devastate your connection if not dealt with. Clear lines of communication with your partner must be focus in fulfilling each other’s deepest desires and needs, instead of ignoring these needs, creating walls of relationship destruction!
Loss of Attraction:
Lack of Intimacy/Passion:
The Loss of Attraction
The difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship is intimacy level. If the level of desire for deeper and committed connection between two people starts to fade then the passion in your relationship is jeopardized and this may leave you with something closer to friendship.
What causes this loss of attraction? Despite what people think, it’s not a physical issue. Loss of attraction is often caused by polarizing thoughts coming in when partners no longer have the play of masculine and feminine energies between them. The person with feminine energy feels insecure and does not thrive into their feminine core, and the partner with masculine energy is displaced and angry and loses their healthy masculinity. Couples spend years in this place of displacement of self energies that are supposed to be natural to them and give in to the loss of passion. Neutral position becomes normal and eventually people look elsewhere for the dynamics they long for. Although, Kari has seen this attraction can shift in a matter of seconds when one partner shifts from controlling to free and open once their significant other makes them feel appreciated, needed and loved. This is a paradigm shift.
Frustration, Emotional Stacking and Stonewalling=Freezing
In a dynamic relationship, there is 6 times more positive communication than negative. Positive communication lessens the amount of stress on the entire relationship. When you feel the attraction diminishing and loss of influence in your partner, communication is at a stop – and then you begin to experience:
Reality: Resentment, Rejection, Repression, and Resistance
(Kari goes into details in her private coaching)
You need to reverse the negative stacking that causes stress on relationships and create safe patterns of openness, connection and love. This is built around creating time for each other.
Loss of Physical Passion
Passion and relationship connections will suffer when a couple stays in a place of irritation and frustration. Why? In order to share deep passion, you both need to be open and honest with each other. You can not be physically and passionately intimate with each other if there is no connecting on an emotional level.
If you are feeling angry or resentful of each other, or feeling misunderstood or neglected, even ignored, you will build protective barriers. This removes the likelihood of passion and connection, and only results in the lack of intimacy. This must be addressed in order to promote healthy communication and consistency in the pursuit of a healthy and vital physical relationship.
Loss of Commitment
After enduring the experience a loss of attraction and passion, you may find your energy is directed elsewhere. You begin enjoying time with others – your friends, your friends from work – but you avoid home. There is less commitment to your partner, in that you are no longer putting your partner and relationship first. You committed is not a priority in your relationship. This is the beginning of the end for your relationship.
How do you stop this loss? Re prioritizing is now! You must make your partner feel that fulfilling their needs is an absolute “must” for you.
When you feel incompatible towards your partner this comes from feelings that your not being put first and not making them feel like a priority. Not feeling understood in a sincere, heartfelt way causes alienation as well.
Some couples are fundamentally incompatible and it truly has nothing to do with relationship issues and stresses. There is not a couple who stands a chance if they are not meeting each other’s needs in true sincerity. You will not learn your true power together as a couple until you care of the foundation you are building and made sure that you are meeting each other’s needs.
In relationships we often create stories around our partners... who they are, how they treat us, how they view us, how we fit into their lives. We do the same to create a story for our partner in turn. Once you have a story about your partner, you will find validations to make it true. Be careful about the stories you create about yourself (for example, thinking that you are not attractive enough or good enough) and the stories you create about your partner. Your story dictates how you think and react to all communications.
So what is the story? What’s the story you need to create in order to move your relationship forward? We have the power to redirect the stories that become us and our relationships. Relationship stress is part of what allows us to learn more about ourselves and others –but it’s never too late to alleviate some of that tension and rewrite your story. Kari loves to share the growth she has seen in what she calls “The Heart Restart”